The Reckoning

Posted on Wed Feb 24th, 2021 @ 12:32am by Rear Admiral Gareth Tau & Captain Akiva ben-Avram & Lieutenant JG Jaya Maera Garlake

Mission: S1E4: The Hills Have Eyes
Location: Administrator's Office | Overwatch Station
Timeline: MD 15

Akiva stared out the window of his office. Often times when he did so, it was at parade rest with his arms folded behind his back. Today it was hunched over with a bottle of something dark and oaked in hand. Admiral Tau was coming today, and Akiva was not prepared. No, not even close. So he sipped again from the bottle, awaiting the inevitable. One shoe had dropped after another, so there was little doubt what the future would hold.

At least once Tau discharged him from Memory Theta, perhaps from Starfleet itself, Akiva could go stumbling down a hole and die like the dog he was.

Going for another sip, Akiva was angered that he had reached the bottom and found it empty. He flung it against the transparent wall and felt a certain satisfaction as it shattered into shards against the backdrop of the raging plasma storms beyond.

The door chimed.

There had been no alert that the amdiral's ship had arrived yet, but maybe Akiva just hadn't noticed. He shuffled his feet around in order to face his destiny head on.

"Come."

Rather than Admiral Tau, it was Jaya, who was not too much shorter than the admiral but carried herself with an entirely different air. As soon as she entered, Jaya had a full reading of the room and Akiva's disposition. The smell of alcohol was overwhelming, as was the turmoil radiating from her old friend and commanding officer.

"Akiva..."

She had come here to speak on Laena's behalf as she had promised over a week before, but it was plain to see it was Akiva in need of advocacy here and now.

"Leave me," Akiva whispered. His voice was hoarse, his eyes bloodshot from weeping.

"Kiv..."

"I SAID LEAVE!"

Jaya shook her head. "No."

The refusal made Akiva close the distance between them and stick his finger in her face. "That is an order! Get the b'azazel out of here!"

"Make me."

On the face of it, the response was a petty one. But the subtext it carried was a challenge that Jaya was forcing Akiva to confront. He could not, in fact, make anyone do anything. Not where it counted. Not where it wounded him.

And so he turned away, shoulders wracking with grief coupled with futility and despair. Jaya stepped closer and placed her hand on his back near the shoulder. Her touch could quiet his storm, dry his tears at the innermost source and give him solace. But solace was not what he needed now. Catharsis was.

"Let it go, Akiva." Her voice was soft like raindrops. "You can always take it back up again. Lay it down, just for one day, for one moment, and allow yourself to grieve."

Akiva let out one long, nearly howling cry before he clammed back up.

The expression made Jaya grimace. Well, it was a start.

"Why do they always leave?"

It was a rhetorical question. Back when he was first officer of the Vindex and she was the ship's counselor, they had covered his lifelong grief over lost loved ones and broken relationships. In his heart of hearts, Jaya knew Akiva suffered from a chronic abandonment complex which made him wear rejection like a cloak. The clinician in her identified it as Major Depressive Disorder, but she knew better than to shackle people with labels. Despite his weaknesses, Akiva was a fighter. Jaya needed him to fight. If he wouldn't fight for himself, then Jaya would find another reason.

"Why do you always stay?" Jaya countered at last.

It was a confusing question that confused Akiva just enough to challenge his stupor. "What?"

"You are wounded again and again," Jaya said, "because you are alive. It was not for nothing."

"... what wasn't for nothing?"

Jaya allowed herself a soft chuckle. "Any of it!" Using her tactile empathy, she coaxed his emotional state out of his natural reticence into a place where he would be more open to listening. "You are still here, Akiva, when so many people are not. It's for a reason. All of us are counting on you to hold the course. Not only is Starfleet having to pick up the pieces of what happened on Earth, but Memory Theta is undergoing many changes as well. We need you. Calderon Jarsdel needs you. Laena needs you."

"Don't ever say her name," Akiva whispered. "Not ever."

The explosive pain that shot out from him made Jaya take a step back. "Okay," she said. "But it's still true."

"She was with another man!" Akiva shouted. "Three months I honored her insane wishes, hoping the distance and the silence would somehow heal us! Fool that I was, when I snuck down to the Academy to surprise her, she was with her ex-fiancé! I saw her kiss him, Jaya."

There were two sides to every story. Having heard Laena's side first, Jaya was prepared for almost anything, or so she'd thought. Whatever terrible conclusion Akiva had fixed upon, he believed it heart and soul.

"Did you talk to her?" Jaya asked gently.

"No," Akiva said. "What was there to say?"

Jaya shrugged. "Perhaps the truth?"

"The truth is that I have been a fool," Akiva said. "That is why I set her free."

There it was. Jaya paused just long enough to keep from seeming like she was jumping his case. "You mean that you ended things with her in the middle of a devastating disaster without so much as talking to her about what happened? You know better than that, Akiva. Closure is a scarce commodity. Your father, your brother... what would you give to speak to them one more time, regardless of the pain?"

"I thought I told you to leave," Akiva said, backtracking.

"And I thought I told you to make me."

Akiva started to laugh. "Okay. You win. I'll... do whatever it takes for you to leave me alone."

"That's just the thing..." Jaya took him by the hand. Though hers was much smaller than his, she carried a greater weight of intent and will. She laced her words with a piercing sincerity that could penetrate all but the strongest doubting resolve. "You are never alone."

Tears began to fall again from Akiva again, but they were not bitter or heavy as before. Jaya pulled him into an embrace and laid her cheek against his chest until the moment passed. "We love you, Akiva. And we believe in you."

Akiva just nodded.

"So please come to us instead of... other things."

The broken bottle still lay in shards where he'd cast it.

"I'll try."

"And reach out to Laena, if only to end it right."

"I said I'll try."

Jaya pulled away and beamed up at him. "That's all any of us can do. Now go get cleaned up. Storr says the admiral is due today."

Nodding, Akiva went back to his desk and removed a ceramic bowl which he reserved for ablutions. He splashed his face and ran a cloth over his head. Evidently that would have to do, as the desktop communicator lit up with a signal.

"Speaking of the devil," Akiva said. He waved at Jaya, indicating she could stay.

In a moment, Rear Admiral Gareth Tau appeared on the display. "Captain Akiva ben-Avram. I am relieved to find you at your post."

Ignoring the slight, Akiva nodded. "Yes, Admiral."

"I am afraid I must cancel today's inspection. Continuity of government has temporarily relocated the Federation capital to Luna while damage assessments and reconstruction efforts continue. My attention cannot be divided, as Starfleet Command has retasked most of OSI's assets toward logistical support. Therefore, I am required to accept the recent field and station logs at face value."

Akiva felt a smile start to bubble up from within. "Yes, Admiral."

But there was always more to the story. "In lieu of an inspection, however, I am ordering a full accounting of Memory Theta's operations for the past 250 days with an emphasis on the events in the Sol system. You and the senior staff will report to Deep Space 9 next month where oral testimony will be delivered to a select committee of Starfleet admirals and Federation officials who will render judgment on the efficacy and continuation of the agency's current iteration."

Now it was Tau who smiled. "See you next month, Captain."

The transmission ended, replacing the admiral's stony face with the Memory Theta emblem surrounding the Starfleet chevron. Akiva just sat there, mouth agape, trying to process what he had been told.

"That sounded bad," Jaya said, breaking the silent languor.

"It was very bad," Akiva confirmed. "And it's going to get worse. Remember during the Cardassian conflict when we reported factional infighting among SFI? They looked for a scapegoat anywhere they could and decided on Kaz. He saw it coming, which is why he deserted. They meant to string him up in a kangaroo court and pin all of their failures on him."

Jaya saw where Akiva was going. "And you think Admiral Tau is going to do the same with all of Memory Theta?"

"Why wouldn't he?" Akiva asked. "If he is under scrutiny, then he will discard what he must in order to preserve his power base. If that means allowing Starfleet Command to blame us for the entirety of Sol, then I have no doubt the admiralty will do so and give us a salute to go along with the knives in our backs."

"I see..." Jaya was speechless. So much of her idealism was challenged by Memory Theta every single day.

"We have much to prepare for," Akiva said. "A month is not much time at all to prepare."

Through it all, Jaya still managed a smile. "What did I tell you, Akiva? We need you, now more than ever."

Akiva shook his head. "I know what you're doing, and one day it won't work."

"So you say." Jaya beamed at him as she turned to leave.

"Don't patronize me."

"Of course not."

"I mean it, Jaya."

"Aye, Captain."

"Go away, Jaya."

"Yes, Akiva. I'm going."

The doors closed, leaving Akiva with his thoughts once more.