All Charms O'erthrown

Posted on Sun Sep 16th, 2018 @ 1:16pm by Captain Akiva ben-Avram & Warrant Officer Laena ben-Avram

2,315 words; about a 12 minute read

Mission: S1E2: Half Past Dead
Location: Administrator's Office
Timeline: MD 2

Laena took a deep breath, pulling at the hem of her uniform jacket as she stood in front of a door she did not want to enter. She’d been avoiding this moment for two weeks, despite his requests to come to his office. But unfortunately, when the Commanding Officer orders you to his office, you really can’t refuse the order.

Which is what was angering Laena so much right now. He knew she didn’t want to see him or speak to him. So he was using his power and authority to force her into a situation she didn’t want to be in.

The woman took a deep breath as she tried to push her anger aside. If this was how he wanted to be, if he wanted to suddenly be her Commanding Officer, she was going to give him the same treatment. She would act like the crewmemeber she was and nothing more. He wouldn’t even get so much as a smile from her. Father of her child or not, he deserved no kindness from her at this moment. And she would give none.

Another deep breath and she pressed her finger to the chime to alert him that she was there. When he beckoned to her, she stepped forward, the doors opening for her as she passed into his office.

“Petty Officer Laena, reporting as requested, sir,” she said, standing at attention in front of his desk.

Akiva stood with his back to her, hands clasped behind him, gazing out at the ever-burning plasma storms. One was actually quite near as compared to previous ones he'd seen. "I have an assignment for you," he said without turning around. "A storm is brewing. Potentially catastrophic to the station, if not the Tartarus planetoid below. The PADD on my desk has the details."

Laena's face softened as she realized he had called her for something serious, and not a whim. "A literal storm? Or figurative?" she asked as she picked up the PADD.

"Gravitational." Akiva took a step back and turned to the side, gesturing for Laena to join him. He resumed his vigil. "The short version, as I understand it, is this sector's gravitational anomalies trigger intense plasma storms. Like novas that burn long instead of hot. The simulated projections suggest we're at an increased risk of a big one crossing our path... or vice versa, depending on how you look at it... in a month's time. Or more, or less. That's where you come in."

"And what exactly am I supposed to do about it?" the woman asked as she stepped up to the window. She almost gasped at the beauty of the surrounding space, but despite her best effort to hide it, she couldn't help the amazed look on her face. "Where exactly are we?"

Akiva turned to look at her for the first time. His stoic face belied his smoldering, guilt-ridden eyes. "Sector 04-70, colloquially referred to as the Badlands." He turned back to the viewport. "The computer can run models all day long, but at the end of that day, I want a person on top of this situation, looking for sudden changes and predicting what the computer can't. It's why you're here now. I trust you with it."

"The same Badlands?" Laena asked, looking up at Akiva with the question in her eyes.

"The one and only," Akiva said with half a shrug. "The Maquis named it. I suppose it's part of the romance of fighting for a lost cause." He risked a peek at Laena from the corner of his eye.

"And yet fighting a lost cause did nothing but cause more harm and hurt and they eventually lost," Laena said, her eyes glued to Akiva. "Sometimes taking a step back and giving space is more prudent?" she asked, rhetorically. She turned and walked to the front of her exes' desk. "Anything else you need, Commander?" she asked.

"They were betrayed and abandoned," Akiva said. "After that it was all over but the crying." He sighed and returned to staring at the brightly flickering storm. "You may leave, Petty Officer." Under his breath, he added, "It's what you're best at."

Laena took a deep breath, trying to calm the anger that begged to jump out of her. "You force me into situations against my will and you're mad at me?" she asked, tossing the PADD back on the man's desk. "How dare you."

"What more do you want? You already ripped my heart out once, and now you want to do it again?" He pointed to her womb. "I've given you space even though you carry my child. I've left you alone despite my every..." Turning around, Akiva clamped shut his mouth and gave her his back. "Dismissed."

"No," she said, folding her hands in front of her chest. "You don't get to just dismiss me whenever you're done speaking. That's not how this works, Akiva. Relationships are about communication and understanding. Something you clearly have an issue with."

Akiva turned back and thrust an accusing finger in her direction. "And you don't get to dictate to me the terms of a relationship that you ended!" When his eyes took in the sight of his angry gesture, they were overwhelmed of images of his father from his adolescent years. He quickly curled his fingers into a fist and tucked it behind his back. Shame rose to overtake him in that moment. "We're done here, as you said nearly a month ago."

"You blame me for ending a toxic relationship?" she asked, shaking her head with a look of disgust. "I didn't realize it was my job in life to put up with your childish antics and temper. I apologize I wasn't good enough for you."

"You were everything to me!" Mournful anguish stretched across his face. "I'm sorry I'm so poisonous to you. You aren't the only one better off without me. I've honored your wishes. Please honor mine. Get out, preferably without the knife in the back." He turned away yet again, this time his shoulders lightly trembled through short and shallow breaths. "I can't... I can't go through this again..."

As angry as she was, and Laena felt completely justified in feeling that way, her face softened as she saw him clearly hurting. Taking a few steps around the desk, she came up behind him and laid a gentle hand on his shoulder.

Akiva gasped her the touch of her hand. "I died that day, Laena. Please, leave me if that's what you want. Just don't hurt me anymore."

"I never meant to hurt you, Akiva," she said, softly, resting her chin on the man's shoulder. "But if saving myself meant hurting you, I had no other option. I hope you see that."

"I do." Akiva nodded, then clenched his eyes shut. "I just wish... I had no idea, Laena. When you came off the transport, I imagined a happy and blessed reunion. Instead, I was blindsided by the knowledge that you've secretly grown to loathe me." His chin stilled its quivering as a steeliness overtook him, eyes to shoulders. "I will do right by you and our child, but you hold no obligation to me." The words sounded rehearsed and spoken by rote.

The coldness of his words were not lost on the young Orion woman, but she hid the obvious hurt she felt. "Was it really so secret?" the she asked. "You make it sound like this is our first conversation about this. Might I remind you of how upset I was when you left the Vindex without telling me? And into a dangerous situation I knew nothing about. If you want to be here for me and our child, then you need to start understanding how a relationship works. And how to communicate."

"Now? You want to communicate with me now?" Akiva shook his head in frustration. "The only thing you've communicated to me is second thoughts. Why else would you leave me without a chance to amend my mistake? 'The time for you to talk is over,' you said. 'I am no longer yours,' you said. That's no way to build anything." He escaped her touch, comforting though it was, and stepped away. The haunting memory of what they once had threatened to pull him back under. Heart pounding in his throat, he paced as he talked. "You should know, it was no small or light thing for me to bind my life and future to yours. It did not come easy or cheap, which is how you treated it. What I call sacred, you call toxic." His face grimaced at the gut-punch of the word. "I'm sorry that you felt pressured by me in the beginning, but I thought we were past that." He dry-swallowed again. This was the part where he usually ran away, but if for nothing else more than closure, he needed to say this and see it through. "When I chose you, it was without reservation. Every decision I've made has been because of that. And I realize now that the full commitment I took for granted felt more like shackles on you. And now? I'm no better than a slave-trader in your eyes." His left hand flew upward as if throwing trash to the wind. "And I always will be, unless I abandon everything I know and believe. I won't do that, my love, not even for you." His breathing began to labor again, though just for a moment. "I've made mistakes, but I won't apologize for who I am and where I'm from."

"You expect me to change and bend to your will, your way of life, without even the remote possibility of a compromise? A situation where we both mold together to form new traditions and customs?" Laena took a step back as she asked the question.

Akiva thrust the palm of his hand over his forehead, as if he could clench the tension with his fingertips and pull it out. "I never asked you to change. I only asked you to be with me." Shaking his head, he turned away. "I gave myself to you, and when I did it wrong, you threw me away. Why do you insist on tormenting me?"

"Because I love you, Akiva!" she screamed, balling her hands into fists. "Don't you see that? I'm trying to overcome my fears and my past and my trauma, but I feel like you aren't doing the same. And I was hoping that this was going to be a wake up call for you to realize that you needed to try. You needed to fight for me. Even if that fight was against yourself and your flaws."

At first he didn't move. It seemed another bout of catatonia, like when Laena first ended their relationship. Akiva gaped disbelievingly at her, her words like a cascading shower over him that was both scalding and revealing. "You... you still love me." It was neither a question nor a statement, but something in between. A self-answering query. "I... need to sit down." Akiva slowly drifted to his knees right in front of her. "But... you said... and I thought... you did... I... you..."

His breathing ratcheted back up, though not out of panic as before. Akiva reached his trembling hands for hers. When they joined, he grasped tightly as if afraid to let go. "I never stopped loving you. I just didn't know how to show you that." His voice dropped to a whisper. "Please tell me how."

"I have never questioned your feelings for me," Laena said, her thumb gently brushing over the man's hand. "But if we are to make this work between us, there are things we both need to work on."

Slowly, Laena dropped to her knees and pressed her forehead against his. "I need to work on being less defensive. And perhaps not run from situations when I get scared or angry. And you need to work on seeing me as an equal partner in our lives, rather than subservient and submissive." She looked up at him, "And perhaps work on your communication," she said with a smile as she bumper her arm into his shoulder."

Akiva shook his head. "I made decisions without consulting you, but not because I'm superior. It just... I didn't think there was time. But I should have made time. I always should." His eyes smoldered holes of hopeful desire into hers. "Can I hold you?"

Laena hesitated for a moment but slowly nodded.

What he had pictured as a touching moment instead felt strained and awkward. Nonetheless, Akiva committed himself to the act of embracing the woman he had pledged himself to. The mother of his child. The holder of his heart and lifter of his head. That they should feel so cold now in this moment was a little disheartening. At least she wasn't pushing him away. Akiva gave silent thanks for that before he released her. "Thank you."

When their embrace ended,Laena stood, taking the PADD she had thrown on the man's desk. "I will begin my analysis," she said, holding the device up as she walked towards the door. "Maybe..." She stopped, just short of the threshold, turning back to look at the father of her child. "Maybe this week we can go get dinner? I can catch you up on what Doctor Kiril has been saying about the baby," she said with a faint smile.

"I'd love that." Akiva returned her smile. "I'll look forward to it, even."

As she left his office, Akiva slowly drifted into his chair and leaned back nearly to tipping, his mind spinning from the past few moments. All of that... had been unexpected. Unexpected, and yet very, very encouraging.

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